“Thanksgiving dinners take 18 hours to prepare. They are consumed in 12 minutes. Half-times take 12 minutes. This is not coincidence.” — Erma Bombeck

“Be thankful for what you have; you'll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don't have, you will never, ever have enough.” — Oprah Winfrey

“If a fellow isn't thankful for what he's got, he isn't likely to be thankful for what he's going to get.” — Frank A. Clark

“An optimist is a person who starts a new diet on Thanksgiving Day.” — Irv Kupcinet

“Growing up, Christmas was always about me, and eventually you, when I finally started to enjoy the giving part. But Thanksgiving is always about us.” — Rosecrans Baldwin

My family told me to stop telling Thanksgiving jokes ... but I told them I couldn't quit "cold turkey.”

If you call a large turkey a gobbler what do you call a small one? Goblet.

What does Thanksgiving have in common with Halloween? Gobble-ins!

Why did the police arrest the turkey? They suspected fowl play.

Why did the turkey play the drums in his band? Because he already had drum sticks!

If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring? Pilgrims!

“Real ballplayers pass the stuffing by rolling it up in a ball and batting it across the table with a turkey leg.” - Tom Swyers

“I suppose I will die never knowing what pumpkin pie tastes like when you have room for it.” - Robert Brault