When I was 16 yrs old I had a keychain called "The Birth Of A Candybar". It was About 10 lines long, & was a parody story including about 6 or 7 different candybars as the main characters. About a year ago I decide that I would go a step further, & write my own parody story using ALL the candy I could think of! I decided not to use the story on the key chain,but instead to create my own format from scratch.When reading it, pls try to imagine an old 1930's detective agency setting, w/a saxaphone playing in the background(a time when they still wore the old Boggart hats).I've highlighted the candies in red, in case some from different parts of the world don't recognize specific candies. Here it is....Hope you like it!

A Night In The Life Of Detective Clark Nestle
- By Jaime Cox-


It was a cold rainy night in New York, and I was alone in my office, when Tootsie Rolled in.
She was dripping wet and out of breath, desperate to give me the information I had been searching for.

“5TH Avenue” she said, “Hershey and his boys, the 3 Musketeers.

I knew what she was doing, I was hot on her trail, she knew it as well as I did. Plus she knew I had a thing for redheads
As she started to cry, I pulled her close to me. She knew I couldn’t resist a dame in distress. Holding her tight I could feel her Mounds press against me.

Yeah I kissed her. I kissed her hard! I lost all control and went Nutrageous!!!

Running my hands down her wet body, I gave her a Slo-Poke in her Juicy Fruit , with my
Butterfinger. She let out a Snicker, which made my Chunky hard. As waves of Almond Joy washed over her, she screamed out everything she knew about the heist.

By the time I was finished with Big Red, I knew the amount, the location and the ring- leader.

Reese was meeting Hershey and Heath at the Jolly Rancher, with the 100 Grand.

Reese was her Sugar-Daddy, he dealt in guns- pieces.

Hershey was her Hubba-Bubba, father of her Baby Ruth.

And Heath,- well, he was someone from both of our past’s. Her ex-lover, and my ex-partner, a slime-ball dirty cop.

All three of these men loved her and here she was giving every last one of them up to me.
And Tootsie, she was just a red-head I couldn’t resist, work’ in as a maid at the hotel on 22sd. Yeah, that’s right, the Jolly Rancher-where it was all supposed to go down.



I knew she was risking it all, her job, her SugarDaddy, her life! Knowing this, made me want her even more.

As I kissed a trail from her naval, going down, I put my mouth on her Kit-Kat. She knew how I loved to Lick-a-maid. So she grabbed my Whatchamicallit and stroked my Milk-Duds, which made me Pop-Rocks. So I RETURNED the favor and made Tootsie-Pop!

All of a sudden, we heard a Krackle of gunfire. It was them, Heath, Hershey, Reese and the boys!

I grabbed the dame, pushed her under the desk and reached for my revolver. At that EXACT moment, I looked at my gun and knew that any of Reeses Pieces would outshoot my Smith and Wesson. But it was all that I had-no time to call for backup.

As the office door started to open, I pulled the trigger and aimed for a headshot.
Once, twice... Blo pop - Hershey and Heath didn’t know what hit them, both figuratively and literally. Now there was only Reese and the boys, left.

I hid beside the coat rack, and just as I saw Reese’s hat, I unloaded my piece. He fell hard, right on top of Heath and Hershey. Their boys the 3 Musketeers just stood there, STUNNED!

All three of their bosses were dead, lying there in a bloody puddle. What a sorry sack of slime.

Just then, I heard my Sarge, Mr. Goodbar, call out for me. It seems that while I was tak’in out the trash, ( so to speak ) Big Red grabbed the two-way off the desk and called for backup. What a Fireball that one!

After our boys cuffed their boys, Sarge Goodbar, shook my hand and thanked me .
He said, “Thanks to you and your Hot Tamale, N.Y. is finally rid of the country’s biggest gun dealer, the city’s most powerful man, and another dirty cop.” “Don’t you ever sleep, Nestle?”

“When I sleep, crime runs rampant.” I replied.

“Yeah, well, if these criminals are the Smarties, they think they are, they’d better steer clear of you.” “ Good night Nestle.”

“Good night Sarge.”

After Goodbar left, I grabbed my doll and took her outside. As I held her in my arms, under the Milky Way, I told her that she was the best partner I had ever had,-Bar-None!!!

She said that she was glad to know that she had a hand in making the street’s safe again.
And, she said even with her husband gone-FOREVER, she wouldn’t miss even ONE of Hershey’s Kisses.

In the end, I got my guys, I got a promotion, and I got the girl…Grand Slam!

I took the hand of my Sweet-Tart, and walked her home…the streets of N.Y. just a little bit safer.

-Detective Clark Nestle-