I understand.

I have dreamed of so many shocking things, things I could not conceive of doing in reality. Once 20 years ago, my most precious earthly connections were to my cats. And one night I dreamed I put my cat in a blender and turned it on! I woke up sweating with stress, shocked that I would dream such a thing.

These days (nights) I dream of strange, uncomfortable, forbidden things, and all types of sexual scenarios exploring many things that I'd faint from, or run screaming from, if I tried in waking life. It has worked to desensitize me. And it is my belief that this is good. I want there to be nothing taboo to myself that I can't even think of or imagine. Even if it is something I definitely don't want to do in my waking life. I want to be 100% conscious of all things possible. Otherwise I'll be blind to some angle.