So I have had this dream for the last 7 or 8 years now. It is usually the same dream but the people surrounding my grandma vary. So in my dream I happen to stumble into my grandma's old trailer park & just as I walk past the back of her trailer, I notice that her car is parked in front of the trailer in her old spot. Now in my dream I am quite aware that mema is no longer w/us, therefore quite aware tyhat her car isn't supposed to be there anymore. I think to myself "This can't be, let me check it out!" As I start to walk around her lot, I am soon accompanied by her old next door neighbor Berniece, who also happened to be the park manager & her freind when mema was still alive & living there. This was still the case in the dream as well. She is puzzled as to why I seem so confused and tells me to go into the trailer & see her for myself. She also comes w/me.

As I go into my grandma's door , I see sitting on the couch & chairs other deceased family members. My aunt Bernnie was there w/her(they were very close, gossiped on the phone every day, played cards every wkend!) Also my deceased FAVORITE cousin Joey who died of cancer at age 24 on my birthday in 95 was there too.My mema raised him from 5 years old when his mother(her best friend-he's not really my cousin), was beaten half to death in a robbery at the bar she worked at.On her deathbed she asked my grandma to raise her son as her own. Mema complied, he lived w/her until he was 22 when we lost her to a heart attack. Anywho of course Joey was there. There were other faces recognizable, but the others change from time to time.

At first in my dream I feel betrayed, like everyone knew she was alive & didn't tell me. Like they were all hiding out. Then I feel guilty, like somehow I knew that she wasn't really dead, & instead of visiting her(as she certianl;y must be close to death NOW), I just let time go by. Then I sit to talk to her, ignoring all the others in the room. And as we get to the crescendo of my emotions of all that I have felt in the dream, & I raise my voice & say"But why, why hasn't anyone ever told me that you were here all along?" , my grandma answers " I have always been here, I've never left. This is where I am if ever you need me!"

Then I wake up. Every time.

I told this dream to mom a couple of years ago, & how often I've had it, & her answer...That's just Mema checkin in w/ya letting you know that she's just as much a part of your life as she's always been. She's telling you that things aren't always as they seem & where to find her when you need her".

Up to that point, I always thought it was just a dream. But after mom told me her thoughts on it, it started to make sense, Mema was telling me to reach into the depths of my mind to reach her, as my mind is my spiritual door to God/self/love. And now even though she resides in a different realm, that she is very accessible thruogh thought, just like God is.

Isince do not have the dream as often as I used to, but now when I do have it, I'm no longer surprised in my dream when I see mema, & our conversations seem to go more tward filling her in on my life...wich she NEVER seems to be surprised at the details of. Hmmm, I wonder if it's because she already knows=-)