Another excellent question...making me dig in me brain to find an answer...

I feel that the number one greatest thing you can do to help others is to be successful yourself because this creates an example of how another person might find success and provides a tangible example and assurance/belief that success is indeed possible. And nothing is more powerful than belief.

A parent does best for their child if they find happiness for themselves because the child is a branch of the parent whilst the child is a minor. To serve the child (branch) rather than the parent (tree) is inefficient and ineffective. This is evident when you think of the many cases in which children are given a lot without earning it and become spoilt, entitled and sometimes criminal. From my point of view, the most successful families are where the parents are stable, self-serving and consistent in setting boundaries and examples for their children.

So given this, I still say that the best way for a person to grow is to earn growth themselves and the best way to help another is to set an example of success.

An analogy I like to use when thinking of the scenario of helping others is to think of a person falling into a pit. If you have a friend who falls into a pit and is calling out for help what do you do? You might reach down into the pit to give them a hand but you need to beware of being pulled in yourself. Then you are both in trouble.

You could throw them a line, and this is really "your call". Because it will take you time and some of your resources, but maybe you don't mind sacrificing that much. Some people really benefit from being thrown a line because it was the one time they fell in the pit and they understood it was a mistake and getting help was great and they don't repeat the mistake. However, there are plenty of people who, when given help, will keep falling in the pit assuming that someone will come along and help them out. They don't learn to avoid the pit, nor do they learn how to get themselves out using only their own resources. In this case they are now in greater danger because they might fall in a pit when there is no one available to help them out...and as they wait and wait, feeling sure and entitled that someone will come along, they waste their time not trying to get out and they may eventually die in that pit.

I feel every time you bail someone out of a situation you create the potential for more and more dire circumstance for the person in the future because they do not truly learn from natural consequences and repeat the mistakes at higher and higher costs.

For example, a brother of mine stole a few items from a convenience store when he was a child of about 10 years old. He was caught and the police brought him home, leaving it to my parents to punish him, but he didn't receive any punishment. In fact, we just didn't really "talk about it". This must have given him the idea that stealing was worth it because he continued to steal from our family and others until he was officially caught in his 20's. This time he'd stolen over $100,000 worth of merchandise from a department store warehouse where he worked as a security guard. It brought great shame to his father who was a long time employee of the department store, but out of loyalty to his father, the owners of the department store did not press charges against my brother and merely fired him.

Several years later he was caught stealing again, then again. He continued to break the law in many ways, but was no longer under his father's protection. Now he was spending time in jail and creating a criminal record for himself, but stealing now seemed a deeply ingrained behaviour. At one point he went through rehab (for drugs) and his father once again decided to "reward" him rather than be wary or punish him and invited him back into the family and took him to a campground where he time-shared a permanent trailer home with some other men. My brother ended up stealing from the trailer and ruining his father's reputation again. The list really goes on and on with my parents co-signing on a car with him that he ditched and they had to pay for, stealing medication and valuables from his dying grandfather, etc. Once again, he didn't pay, and once again, we didn't really talk about it.

Recently, he collapsed from an overdose of drugs and had a heart attack and a stroke. He's only 43! His life is in huge ruins now. He has many dependants and no way to earn (or steal!) money any more. Anyway, this is an example of what can happen when someone is saved from experiencing natural consequences, FMPV.

I suppose the only exception to serving another is really infancy in which a child is totally dependent upon the parent, in which case, of course a parent will want to meet the child's needs of food, shelter, etc. Otherwise, I feel the world would be a better more efficient and fruitful place if we all served ourselves.

I watch the reality program "Intervention" often. I have always been interested in psychology and rehabilitation. Like many people, I have felt like helping others, particularly as I work out my own problems. But what I notice is that only a small percentage of people rehabilitate. Many people outright refuse help and want to wallow in their pit. I think they should be allowed to do so until they get sick of it naturally. Even if that means death. It is their choice and their lesson. Of course, I say this with my firm believe in the eternal soul so I don't really believe in death as something final. Only a chance to try again.

But are there times when throwing a line to someone is warranted and will help? Maybe. Again, it is something that you have to feel is right for you. It might even be your own lesson in finding a boundary, but certainly, if you feel like throwing a line out to someone, if it doesn't take away too much from yourself or cause you to sacrifice (never sacrifice, IMO) and you feel it will help another and that they understand the consequences of their action, then in some cases you could be a light in the dark for them.

If I had to err though, I'd err on the side of not interfering.