Eyes in Space...

OMG I can't believe you ALISA!!! I have been trying to post THAT picture since you told me how post pics.

Remember the night I sent you the "help" I.M.? Well THAT is the picture I was trying to post that night! Although I figured out what my mistake was, and how to get coppied words on my post, I still haven't figured out how to get that pic from my documents to this site. So I just decided to post things from ma, poems & stories & such.

Now the kicker, I again tried last night for about an hour & a half to post that same pic! I was still unsucessful.
I've noticed on a couple of your other replies to me, that you mention that I might have qued certian things into YOUR reality, as we would be dealing w/a few of the same topics at the same time w/out knowing it. And although I agree w/you on that theory, I've been enclined to think that you have done the same for me. Noticing more than once that you would post a topic that has already been on my mind, but that I hadn't yet gotten around to posting.- but THIS is just mind blowing!!!! I'm so excited right now, that I can barely even type this w/out screwing up on every other word!!

Now I'm more convinced than ever that we not only set up this meeting(from the other side) of our minds souls & hearts to come together, but also that there was a more personal reason for it than just two old friends comming back together on this plain! Since I've re-met you here my life has been uplifted, you help keep me positive,(it has been so hard to be that way since my mom died in June) I am positively amazed at all of this! Take one little instance between us,& it doesn't seem like much, but put them all together, and add this picture to it & there's definately MORE here than meets the "eye"(no pun intended)!

Thank you, thank you, thank you for making it so easy to find you again. I believe that you left those breadcrumbs for me to find my way back to such a dear friend,...and I have!!!

FYI, after trying yet another unsucessful attempt to get that picture up on this site LAST NIGHT, & going to bed seething w/ frustration at either my lack of tech knowledge, or wanting to smash my computer w/ a hammer - I wake up TODAY to find it POSTED!! And by none other than YOU!

I am so grateful for you Alisa, Thank you is all I can say. I feel like a blithering idiot. You never cease to amaze me w/ how in touch you are w/the people who cross your path! Atta girl, kudos, thank you ...clap clap clap!!!!

I have now givin you the nic-name of my "paralell self"!

P.S. The picture I tried to post was the one you have posted second to last. It was sent to me a year ago as "The Eye Of God" and was the very first picture I have ever tried to post!

How utterly wondrous! I feel so uplifted!

Words fail, don't they?! I can only try to explain by saying I know exactly what you mean! We have reunited. Our group is coming back together.

As far as the photo goes...I was obviously prompted by you. I happened upon the top photo two days ago. I had seen the other "eyes" before. But this one was new to me. I felt this niggling feeling that I had to post this. I let the feeling go, but it kept coming back. Finally, last night though I was ready to turn in for the evening, my husband got busy doing some odd job around the house and I thought, I best take these few minutes to put those space eyes in a post. And voila - synch!

So much is happening between us on the soul level, but we are bringing it into consciousness. My favourite part of your post was when you said your life has been uplifted since we re-met. That was so beautiful and made me feel so good. We also have in common the recent death of our Moms. Mine died Oct 2008.

I agree with everything you said! I feel as if I could be saying it all myself, that's how closely it resonates - parallel self.

Argh, it is one of those times that words just can't cut it. Just know, as Flux is apt to say, that "I know you know I know!"

And as an aside, I can go over with you how to post photos. You may have to downsize them if they are large because there is a limit to what you can attach in "File Manager". But just mess around with it. I can always clean up any mistakes... I have the power .

I am truely sorry to hear about your mom. I feel so sad for you, yet I am happy for her as she is finally home! OMG, it just occured to me that maybe our moms also had some doing in our reuniting here! They are BOTH pretty new arrivals on the other side(as far as completing this life/coarse).

And I know my mom knows how I have been feeling lately, as I talk to her just about every day. And I don't want to presume that you have been as 'down' as I have, as you always seem to be positive. Maybe You're handling her death in a very healthy way,but in my case my mom's death had some very suspicious circumstances surrounding the scene of her death(implicating her husband - there is an open investigation), that has made my life(not to mention the lives of my family) A living nightmare!

Then again you could be going through hell to - we all have very good ways of masking it though, don't we?

My point, maybe because we both needed it, or because one of us needed it REALLY bad , our moms decided to help speed up our meeting from the other side! I know it would be just like a MOTHER to step in, re-evaluate a situation, and take control if it concerned her child. A HUMAN mom would that is. But TWO MOMS ON THE OTHER SIDE - THEY would do the first two steps above, but instead of 'controlling' a situation, they would probably INFLUENCE it instead - trying not to interfere too much, but just enough to get their babies what they need a little quicker. Wow! mothers are truely amazing souls aren't they?! Hello to BOTH of our moms , and THANK YOU !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I bet they're both over there right this minute - LUCKY DOGS (haha,as if there's time over there or anywhere for that matter), laughing their butts off saying " I can't believe that they JUST 'got it' !" - "Took 'em long enough !"

Yep that was me prompting ya, and probably very angrily since I was so frusterated at being so unsuccessful at posting it myself. That would explain why you felt so nagged to post it at that EXACT time. - Sorry sometimes I can be a bit PERSISTANT - even in my subconscience too it seems!

Haha, something else that occured to me, above I threw in the Tinkerbell animation right - this was actually to represent the "power" that our moms now have over there(wich I'm sure you picked up on), but upon clicking it I realized that "fairies" were originally what brought me to this site! Remember, your photo gallery was what prompted me to leave you that first message about the 'fairy doors'.

So It ended up symbolizing them (our moms) AND us, at the same time - & that wasn't even my intention!!

And just thought of this too, Maybe we had nothing to do w/our meeting at all. I wonder if there were just two moms observing their children form over there,& maybe one said to the other - "Ya know what, I think our girls would play well together", so they set up a 'play date' for us (the night we met over fairies), and WE took over from there!!!

Either way I'm content! 'TODAY' I LOOOOOVE BEING A HUMAN!!!

What wonderful perspectives you have, JJ! Whatever brought us together, mothers, destiny, pastlives, etc., it's brilliant and powerful (and I'm thankful).

I'm sorry for you losing your mom. I can see you were soooo close. And it is especially awful to imagine that there were suspicious circumstances. Is there any more that you can say about that? Have you had any contact with her spirit since she crossed?

I was close to my Mom (probably co-dependent), but I experienced distance when I moved halfway across the world from her. So over the many years of seeing her so infrequently, I acquired a large amount of independence from her and from extended family. It was not easy, but for me it was best. I wanted to release some of the old unhealthy ties and I didn't want to spend my days pining for people that I couldn't see or speak to frequently.

Still, I did love Mom. When she would travel to see me (bless her), it was heartwrenching to see her go. And the one time I went back home to visit her, it was like vivisection (sorry for the gruesome visual). It hurt so bad to think of leaving that the day before I was to leave, I spontaneously burst into sobs and couldn't stop long enough to let everyone know what was wrong and that I wasn't having a medical condition. It shocked me how much it hurt. I was reluctant to return home and experience that pain again. The pain was about missing Mom and home and familiarity, landscape, food, culture, etc. I knew that if I was going to have a successful life in Australia, I couldn't have a foot in both places, so I put both feet in Australia. And that created a continued, necessary unravelling of the original bond I had with my Mom.

Also, she had battled with cancer for years. There were a few times that I didn't fully expect her to make it. So I was aware of her mortality.

A bunch of spiritual encounters happened with me surrounding her death. But I felt peace right after she died and I knew she continued eternally. It was only months later that some part of me started really mourning her and feeling some deep grief and realizing that I am now "the mother" and no longer the maiden/child.

I do miss her. I mean, who could replace that one person who put up with all of your crap and loved you regardless, who would feel upset with you when you had a bad day and would rejoice in your triumphs as if it were their own? Lately I have had another series of dreams about her where I healed and aired more grief that was hiding underneath. I freely said out loud during the day, I miss you, Mom. And I could easily allow some tears right now. Makes me wonder when or if I'll ever be totally over it.



From back then

Reading that brings tears to my eyes..

Aww. Bless U.

I can get in touch with the sadness if I want to. I know it is there and I understand it. But I can also remove my focus from it and shift it to the positives, which is what I do 95%+ of the time. And that leaves me happy.

I am thankful for all the great things I have in my life now. I love my choices and regret nothing. And I'm happy I had my Mom for the years I did. It was how long it was supposed to be.

Great use of the graemlins. u r clevah

Yes Alisa I can say more about her death, but I was trying not to leave too much negative energy in your beautiful forum. I would prefer to take it to a new forum to isolate the nastyness that lurks in that experience...if you don't mind.

I know what you mean about the distance thing.The last 3 yrs of my mom's life, we lived seperated(she in VA, me in OH.). And yes, that distance did make some things a little easier. I too learned not to be so co-dependant. But at the same time, I started to forget how to ask for help.

I'm sorry your mom had to battle cancer...just shows what a strong soul she is, as that is a battle that I believe only the bravest of souls could face. Very BRAVE soul indeed....I once heard the coolest thing on bravery in a movie, I think it was Bounce(starring Gwen & Ben).

In the scene,Gwenith Paltrow is talking about how she almost gave birth in the backseat of a car. She proceeds to tell Ben Afflec how she broke her husband's nose in trying to climb into the bkseat(incase the baby came sooner than later). After his nose gets broken, she realizes that now she has to drive herself to the hospital, with a bleeding husband in the front seat, as she's contracting & trying not to wreck or give birth to this baby in a car! Well at some point in her story Ben says to Gwen,(both in character) "You are such a brave woman, where do woman get their bravery?" she replies with "What?... are you kidding, I was so scared!" And Ben looks at her & says ...."It's not BRAVE if your not SCARED." That one line in that movie, made me fully understand what BRAVERY truley is! And I was already a grown woman at that point.

So that's how I know your mom was so brave. I believe we all choose what obstacles,trials & tribulations we will face during our short stay here on earth. I think we choose those things knowing that it will be hard, it will be challenging, it will be scarey, & sometimes it will hurt. But we choose these things to teach our souls the very important things that can't be learned on the other side, as it is so perfect there. So your mom knew, she picked that battle, knew it was going to be a tough fight, & picked it anyway to teach her soul & ours BRAVERY! That's what I believe anyway. Because on the other side there is no fear, so in order for our souls to know, feel and experience bravery - we have to come here to know, feel & experience fear. IT"S NOT BRAVE IF YOU'RE NOT SCARED...what words of wisdom.

And I look at her battle as successful(not implying that you don't)! Because weather or not our human side thinks the fight was won or lost, our soul side knows that the intended lesson was taught & learned. And that is the success!!! Now she can fully understand what it is to BE brave. And if she chooses to become some soul's guide while on the other side, assisting that soul during it's stay here on earth, she will be well equipt in supporting that soul as it deals w/fear & bravery during it's life/coarse here on earth. And being able to relate to those particular emotions, she will be able to offer better assistance to all she teaches & guides.

Very good outlook you have on things Alisa, you seem to find the positive in everything. Looks like you taught eachother well. And I know that every time you battle something that scares the crap outta you, mom is standing there right by your side, holding your hand whispering "C'mon baby, we learned this together when I was with you, we KNOW this one - & I'm still here with you...be BRAVE!"

Your picture speaks a thousand words to me...I love it!

How can you be so awesome!? I am in awe of how much I like you and what you have to say. What you say is food for the soul. The good kind of food that is pleasant and nourishing. (Like probiotics ).

It's not BRAVE if your not SCARED." That one line in that movie, made me fully understand what BRAVERY truly is!

AWESOME!

So your mom knew, she picked that battle, knew it was going to be a tough fight, & picked it anyway to teach her soul & ours BRAVERY! That's what I believe anyway. Because on the other side there is no fear, so in order for our souls to know, feel and experience bravery - we have to come here to know, feel & experience fear.

U R ---> (Smart) Teacher

I learn from U! U R making my mind open. Hey, maybe my Mom really did do a deal with yours to get you to have a chat with me. "Look, she needs a good talking to. She didn't realize how brave I really was. Send Jame, ok?"

I often felt angry at my Mom. I was mad about the co-dependence and some of her choices and stuff. I really just didn't want to feel I needed her... and I thought she wanted me to feel I needed her. So I fought it. And then I judged her, which I was later awakened to.



There is always the negative side to the positive. As we both know. I actually synchronistically thought today about creating a sub-forum to discuss darkness and dark issues. And it is tempting to create one. Dark things exist and can't be ignored, such as what is probably behind your mother's death, and the feelings of anger I had toward my mom. So should they be separate? I'm apt to say probably not. They should all be mixed in.

One of my favourite spirit message/lesson I received is that I need to integrate my fears as opposed to eradicating them, to embrace that which scares me or seems adverse. By doing so the small fear particles integrate with the larger love particles. Soon the fear is awash and diluted (yet still existent) within the whole of love. And the mass of love is now larger. Growth.

So share the darkness if you wish. It will not take anything away from the love and beauty that already exists. If anything, it will highlight it and make it grow.

You litterally make my heart weep! In such a good way. Thank you so much for those kind words,& saying 'ditto' doesn't do justice, but you just left me speechless...which is hard to do w/such a blabber mouth as I... so ditto! I can only say that I feel exactly the same about you.

YOUR making your mind open, I'm just filling it!

I learn so much from you, & your dedication to what "runs" you - connectedness! You yourself are one of the best teachers I've ever met,right up there w/ma. You don't just talk about being a tool(as I've interpreted some of your stories), but you live it! By just keeping up w/this site the way you do, spreading knowledge & reason for thought. Thought IS creation.....and look what you've created!

Aww, how sweet of you to use "Jame" I havn't heard that in so long, thank you Alisa - that brought tears to my eyes! I tend to think we have givin eachother the little "chat", & that you were sent to me, but we won't argue about details.

And how right of you to point out the duality of every aspect,as it does indeed make sense to mix in the dark w/the light on the point of keeping the ugliness of her death in the same forum. Brilliant - I don't know how I can write about bravery, & forget this? KUDOS MASTER, MUCH TO TEACH YOU HAVE!

I can't tell you how your relationship w/your mom resonates w/the relationship I had w/my mom. Absolutely uncanny! For years I pushed her away,trying to prove my independence. In my mom's latter life she was a bit co-dependent. And I always felt like "Why were you so strong before, and so needy now?" I would become consistantly frusterated w/her, ignoring or forgetting what a mainstay she had been in my life...cocky,cocky,cocky! And selfish I was sometimes, not to return the unconditional love that she provided & taught me 'til the end of her life.

Don't misunderstand me, I loved my mom w/all of my being,she was my best friend & teacher, and I was very aware of it when she was still alive. But since about the age of 17 or so our relationship took a turn of "role reversal" at times. She being a single mother of three, had her stresses & didn't always handle them in the best of ways. Sometimes she would "paraspouse" me(me being her oldest), & through that I had a hard time learning where my place was w/my mom, as I felt like an equal instead of her child. This caused much friction between us,as both were always fighting "to ride top" as she would say.

We have had a very passionate relationship our whole lives, blow for blow.We have said things that some may find unforgivable, we have done things just as bad to eachother. We have judged eachother, yelled at eachother, called eachother things that I wouldn't call most enemies - but the bond has never broken! Some thing my mom used to say to me that used to piss me off to no end "We butt heads w/eachother because we are the same person Jame - just different versions!" How absolutely right she is - was -is!! I am just like her, I am strong minded, cocky, & sometimes(maybe more than I'd like to admit), - judgemental. I will own that, but mind you - still growing & still learning as she still was, & I wasn't aware.

Also I am compassionate, openminded & forgiving - just like her. And I'll take the good w/the bad, because as we've said before "It's all good-just different levels".

I would rather share our defects as part of the deal, rather than not being a part of her at all. She was the wisest teacher I have ever been blessed to learn from. She taught me the kind of mother that I didn't want to be, & helped me become the mother that I am today. She taught me to question everything - & accept nothing as the 'end all' when your spirituality is at stake. She taught me how to love, share, enlighten, lead, heal, nurture, help, ask, recieve, give, laugh, cry & how to tie my shoes. I miss her every minute of my existance, but I know she hasn't left me, as her words resonate with me everyday - even when I don't intend to hear them.

To me, my mom has taugt me the most IMPORTANT & what I believe to be the MAIN lesson our souls come to earth to learn - DUALITY! The love/hate, the pain/healing, the black/white, dark/light, good/bad, pos/neg - I have learned & experienced all of it w/ HER! There are many people in life that will teach you alot in some areas, but only a few that will teach you a little in all areas! I like to describe her as a person who knows a little about alot - and alot about even more!

She used to have this saying she'd use when I came to her venting about someone who had stepped on my toes in some way, "Be LOVE" or "What would LOVE do?". I would be standing in front of her (or pacing as I do when I'm truley peeved), ranting & raving about what I would like to do to that person to teach a lesson! She would listen intently, sometimes being totally obvious - but unaware that she was sucking up my emotions like a sponge(we had a way of feeling eachother's pain on levels that I can't describe). And once I was done acting like an out of control lunitic, She would simply say "What would love do?" There was a time in my youth,when I was so irrogant as to think that THIS was the most rediculus thing I HAD EVER HEARD! In my latter years I have come to realize(Thank God while she was still alive), that THIS saying is not only one of my most favorite from my mom, but the one that has taught THE MOST.

What would LOVE do? Would it judge, allow itself to be angered, try to get back at hate? No.Love would not return hate,nor anger,or judgement. Love would teach, & show compassion, heal & forgive. THAT'S what LOVE would do. That was her message..."be love" And that's exactly what she would tell me "Then go be LOVE Jame!". Come to think of it, THAT phrase was her pure essance...BE LOVE!

Another thing she used to say about us - "you & I aren't the bitches we portray ourselves to be Jame, yes when we hate, we truley hate w/everthing in us. But when we Love, we love with that same passion! - We know how to love, thats what's important". God I miss her, sometimes so much I can't find the words to describe.

Thank you Alsia for sharing something so personal as your journal. I'm honored. And I certianly see the message there, thank you for letting me be the one to share that synch w/you.Her message was very strong, and mama didn't raise no dummy! - Seeing as how you got that message not once, but twice & recognized it...YOU GO GIRL !

And I know that she knows, that you now understand. - & 123 just like that a healing...from across the universe!

Boy what WOMEN we have grown up to be eh? Musta had something to do w/our upbringing or more the "people" who brought us up!
I am so greatful for the chance to have known her, & greatful for the chance to continue to know you. Bless you & all of your's Alisa...and remember, Be Love. -Jame-

Thanks for sharing all of that. I enjoyed reading it and learning more about you and your mom. It inspires me to dig deeper.

I resonated most strongly with, "I felt like an equal instead of her child." It is similar to what I would often think of my mom, but more so that I was the adult in many ways. I remember worrying about her a lot all through out my childhood. She would get physically sick (her bowels) whenever she was upset and have to rush to the toilet. It was a dark cloud constantly over our heads not to "rock the boat". She even told me that when I was a toddler I used to comfort her and cuddle her when she'd be sick on the toilet. As an adult, I can't imagine allowing my child comforting me like that.

I also remember trying to please her and be really loyal so she would not be hurt. She divorced my dad when I was very young and I felt I couldn't love my dad as much as her, or enjoy my time with him or it would hurt her. I felt that it would be disloyal to be happy at all if I was with anyone other than her.

So by the time I was able to truly start separating myself from her (when I was nearly 30), I developed an aversion. I could find no other way to break the many etheric cords that ran between us and kept me so unhappy and hampered. I remember when I learned the meditative technique of releasing the cords that bind us to each other. Many times I'd picture the cord from someone running to me and sticking into my flesh like a cork. I'd pluck it out and then pluck another. But when I envisioned the cords that ran from my mother to me, instead of corks they had big hooks on the end that were buried deep into my meat. Each session of meditation I would try to figure out the best ways to get the hooks out of me. I would envision sometimes just ripping them out. I envisioned cutting the cords, but it worried me that the hook was still in there. So I tried imagining the hooks to straighten like a nail so they could slide out. And I also tried seeing them disintegrate. Mostly in the end I just pulled them out and tried not to focus on the ripping.

I've done many hard things in my life (haven't we all), but the hardest has been the times, especially the final time, that I cut myself off from my mom so none of the old hooks would find their way back in.

I can relate to those hooks! Amazing isn't it, the emotional baggage a parent can unwittingly pass down to a child? I've still got a matching set from my mom.

I find that alot of stuff my mom did to create those 'scripts' in my life take a daily affirmation to keep at bay. Some of them still affect me in a very negative way. She did take ownership of those things, & apologize about 4 months before she died thiugh, making it a little easier deal with.

I gather from your last line that maybe you weren't on speaking terms when she passed?

Thanks, JJ.

I'm glad your mom took responsibility. For me, that would have been hugely healing and relieving for both me and Mom. I think it is rather common that, as you said, parents unwittingly pass on their emotional baggage. I'm sure I'll be apologizing some day, too.

I remember feeling some resentments toward my dad once I was an adult. But when I told him what they were he said, "You know what? You are right. I did make mistakes. And I'm sorry. And if there is anything I can do or if you want to talk to me about it any time, then I'm here for you."

And voila! I felt fantastic. All of the perceived wrongs melted away. And since that day some years ago, I have felt nothing but love and respect for him. Lots. I think, for me anyway, all I really want is for the person who hurt me to take responsibility for it. Can't go back and change it. And I wouldn't want to lose the wisdom that came with the pain. But I guess I just need that person to step up if I am going to be able to have free-flow love with them.

But Mom did not want to talk about it let alone take responsibility. She'd often say, "Why are you doing this to me?" whenever I tried to get her to discuss stuff. Or she'd begin to cry, etc. It would just add to my hurt and anger. All she wanted to do was talk about the weather and "light" things. I would be like a bear with a sore tooth after talking to her. It was like being rejected on dozens of levels by her. So one day after she said, "Why are you doing this to me?" I said, "Would you rather I not talk about anything meaningful to me...and just talk about frivolous things like the weather?" And she said, "Yes," and she looked relieved. After that I decided I couldn't talk to her any more. And I told her that. It was so hard to do...



In the end, just before she died, and knowing she was going to, I relented and spoke to her. The last conversation I had with her I told her that I loved her and that I had a good childhood (which I did). But I knew that I just couldn't have continued a relationship with her when she was so insistent upon superficiality. But I didn't want her to die without my saying those positive things - even if we both knew it was only a bandaid covering a gaping wound.

Whew! Let me start by saying...smoooooch on those gapping boo-boos! I'm sorry if any of this has brought up emotional vomit for you. I know it's hard to unlock that door.

I'm thinking that your moms life theme might have been 'scapegoat'and I'm wondering if that's maybe the reason she chose the battles w/cancer. Maybe the cancer was not just a lesson in bravery, but also lesson in facing things 'head on' instead of sweeping it under the rug.

I'm Glad that things are better for you & dad. I know how freeing it is to have someone take those nasty resentful feelings away from you & say "I own them now...go be free!" And not to mention how liberating it is to be the one to take them & admitt responsibility for the wrong doing. Not to have to look over his shoulder anymore to see if that guilt is creepin up on him. Good for you both!

You are a very compassionate soul to make sure she went hearing love from you. Even if it was a giant bandaid. What would love do? Very good example of "be love" Alisa. I'm sure weather you are conscious of it or not, it promoted growth at soul level for you.

Spider...eeek! hate 'em!

I used to dream of litterally beating the stuffin out of my mom when I was pregnant. I attributed it to resentment & fear that I might turn out to be the same kind of mother as she. So in my dreams I was almost making it as if she didn't exist any more, or like in this 'version'(my dream) "I will ride top not you!" Ya know.

I still til this day feel so guilty for those dreams,but I'm able to accept that this was just my subconscious working out the motherhood kinks & default programming in my conscious before my baby came!

Thanks again for sharing in such depth, & for the continued trust in sharing your journal. I don't think I've ever been givin the chance to delve so deeply into one's soul having never met them in person.

Thanks for the feedback, JJ. I really want to be an open book. Stripped bare. Nothing left hiding. Free.

Do you write poetry?

Cute yoda dog, JJ.

No, I don't.

Do you?

I do but spam filter wont let me post it…

Come on SF catch me if you can…

nar na nar nar nar narrrrrrr...
dip your in..!!

Nope Alisa, well I have written some poetry, but I don't WRITE poetry.

The reason I asked,

Those are the words spoken of many a poet! Just made me wonder,that's all. You have the honesty of a poet .... ah, or a stripper! LOL

Hey Fluxy, Glad your back! Are you done experiencing technical difficulties? Got all those glitches worked out? Be careful what you type, SF is YOU!!!

Oh & thanx, but the pooch isn't mine. Just found the pic on line, & decided to use it cause me loves yoda! Also my son was Yoda this passed halloween (the best Yoda ever in the history of yoda's),so when I pop online & see it, it makes me heart smile!

But what a cute costume for a dog huh?

And Fluxy, I just heard someone's lookin for ya, better run, they're gainning on ya... .....AAAAHHH, it's SF...AAAHHH!!!

Thanks, JJ! I suppose it is poetry. I was trying to condense the meaning into only a few words there. As if too many words would muddy the meaning.

Early on in my quest for "what is real" I received messages to "strip". That the more I could expose (and not hide) the more answers I would find. The more I would "become". And it is not easy to do. And sometimes I feel an exposure backlash for a while, but then afterward the rewards are enormous and I experience such a high.

I would very much like to know the darkness that surrounds your mom's death. But only if and when you feel it is right to share.

You've helped me enormously by encouraging me to share and through your understanding and kindness. You've opened another door that will take me farther. I would like to do the same for you if possible.

And a good job of it you did. I know what you mean about the exposure backlash, I often feel it after sharing something deeply personal, that 'naked' feeling, yup I can relate! But after a while it does bring on a 'new' you, less & less afraid of exposing yourself(I mean you in general not you specifically).

I have been struggling w/the mom/death post, I know I said I would share it, but I'm still trying to get the guts up to go there. It's such a scarey place....But it's not brave if your not scared right...I know Alisa I can hear you!'Nuff said - I'm on it.

Let me send you supportive energy...

And I'm getting it...Thank you, thank you, thank you...will be posting soon...have to put my rugrat to bed, cya in a bit!

I know all about the rugrat bedtime routine. Everything does indeed revolve around the little guys. Even in the middle of brilliant brainstorms.

But bless their hearts.