After 4 years of faithfully recording my dreams in a journal, I have stopped. To try to put it into words... the recording of my dreams helped me to understand them and to decode and define them in a way. But now I feel it is time to stop defining them because even though this helped me understand them, now it is confining their meaning. I have to allow them to "be" so they can "be" more than what I was defining them as...if that makes sense. Something beyond words.

Anyway, a few nights ago I had a dream and I have debated whether to post it or not. I have lost my will to write my dreams and once I let go, it seemed a chore to do it. But I also did not want to forget this dream and I knew it was very important and not merely a dream. Also, I wanted to share it (especially with Jaime because of her recent loss of her mother). So I'm going to have a crack at recalling it and sharing...

Due to a noise, I woke at 3:30 am (a magical time for me in which I often wake). I roused myself a bit worrying about the dogs, made sure they were okay, then went back to bed. I woke enough that I was not going to fall straight back to sleep, but my brainwaves were still those of deep meditation so I decided to relax and as I waited for sleep, to open my mind to contact spirit. I asked within my mind to speak to someone who had crossed over (died) but was still available to speak and would be of the most benefit.

As I drifted I began to receive words. They turned into a voice that had a heavy New York accent. Because I am not skilled at balancing between consciousness and deep meditation, I was only able to grasp a few words at a time and bring them into my consciousness where I tried hard to remember them and yet not wake up too much to lose the connection. The person was a man from New York who had shot himself with a gun. He gave me a year of 98 or 89, can't remember which. He told me names of his sister or mother. I can barely recall any of it. At some point I fell asleep.

(I feel this influenced my dream and experience, which is why I shared. Also, interestingly, a few years ago I had a spate of clairvoyant experiences in which I saw visions in black and white that were just like watching a film only more intense, and in one of them there was a man in an office who held a gun and I knew he was about to kill himself with it. I had NO idea who it was or why I would receive that image, but I wonder now if it was related to this chap...)

I dreamed that I was meeting with a group of people who met regularly to discuss spiritual stuff. The man heading the group had invented a small box and each of us had one. We would discuss its use. The box allowed you to contact spirit and create things through spirit. I had brought an object similar to the box, but it was a small cloth purse that another man was selling. He was making the same claim that the purse would allow a person to contact and create with spirit. I expected the leader of our group to scoff, but instead he said that the purse would also work. That it didn't matter which you used and in fact it was more about the principle of it (belief).

Suddenly my mobile phone rang and I answered it. The group paused and listened waiting for me to finish. It was a man I had known before when he was a boy and we went to school together. I was happy but very surprised to hear from him. I didn't know how he got my number after all these years.

We finished our short conversation and then my phone rang again. The group continued to wait for me. But this time, I felt in shock. It was my mom on the phone! I could picture her on the phone where it was in my childhood home. It was like I was in two places at once. I knew she was there and that this was indeed really happening. It was proof to me - my dreaming self. She said, "I have always been here. The whole time." Suddenly I remembered...I had spoken to her since her death. She reminded me that she had spoken to me regularly (I think 5 times). She was just who she had been, but she was calmer. I figured she had reassured me each time that she was still there and that I simply was not bringing our communications through into conscious memory. But now I felt I could remember thanks to this call.

I was utterly overcome with emotion. It was a huge revelation and yet, I knew that I already knew this. I understood that she had never left earth and that she was still very much here and available for me and contactable by me. I just wasn't conscious enough to remember it. I wept with intense emotion. And as she finished speaking I heard a dog bark in the background and knew it was one of my mom's dog's that had passed).

Just then I was abruptly awakened as my alarm clock went off. It was timed perfectly so that I was in the midst of this great emotion and so I would remember the dream. I knew it was utterly intentional.

I think the man who called me was representative of the New York man's spirit. I must know him somehow. Regardless, I feel that my desire to contact a spirit opened the door and my "phone call" with him opened the line for my mom to come through and remind me once again she is still here.