Birds and butterflies both fly. To me, when closly encountered, They're both givers of a simple joy like a secret special gift.
Truly, you recieved a special gift especially with the birds. That sounds so awesome.

I like the yogi in the drawer, it's really cool looking. I'm glad you were able to get a photo of it. The features are so clear to me. Cool!

Now about the 'kill yourself'. I thank the good Lord above for blessing you with such an intelligent spiritual heart that you can cipher the bigger meanings behind the initial phrase, Because, without a shadow of a doubt, I believe that physical suicide WAS NOT what the message meant.
I think it does mean that you need to let go of past 'proverbial boxes' and move forward in your spiritual life.

Have you ever considered becoming a guru(?) or whatever a spiritual female leader is called?
Have you ever discussed your beliefs with a spiritual leader?
I think that one day, you could have quite a following... you'd need to give seminars and stuff. You could do shows online using youtube or podcast.

Okay, I'll stop... I could say so much more...
I just think it would be cool, for me to be able to say, "I knew you when..."