I've procrastinated sharing more of my California spirit adventures because it's so deep and difficult to sort through in order to put it all into words. But I will just start and let it flow and see what comes out...

As I said in the Yogi thread, I could not find any book to read, nothing that appealed to me despite searching book stores. So said a little prayer and asked that if there is a book I should read that would be appropriate and good for me at this time, then please lead me to it. Shortly after I came upon this title and I felt it was the one.





When I got back to my room I began reading it. It sounded like the same basic knowledge that I've gained from reading Seth, and the Yogi, but unique in its presentation. The book suggested attempting to materialize something physical. It further suggested that this object be an amethyst Maltese cross, and noted not to be disappointed if didn't materialize on the first try, but that every attempt of intention creates at some level. I understood.

So I made a cursorily attempt at materializing the cross, but it didn't happen. Still, I took it for what it was supposed to be...a beginning.

A couple of days later, in a different town, we were offered tickets to an antique fair nearby. We decided to go. As we walked through the aisles of displays of all sorts of antiques, I noticed over and over many amethyst Maltese crosses. I don't know if I've ever seen one before, but here I saw dozens. And although I did not materialize the one I initially attempted to conjure, I felt that there was no doubt that I brought this assortment of amethyst Maltese crosses into my reality through the intention.

I have not tried to materialize anything else specifically since then, but I have used the techniques offered as exercises in spiritual growth.

And when I had the Yogi/spirit/infinity experience weeks later at the end of my holiday, I felt that St Germain was in on that as well. However that may be.

Anyway, after the antique fair, that evening back at the resort I went to the spa near the pool with my husband. There I met a woman who scared the heck out of me. I couldn't tell if she was drunk or crazy or both, but she was quite loud, seemed immature, and freely swore while she played aggressive splashing games with her husband in the pool.

I am somewhat shy (or so I think) and I felt super uncomfortable with them there and I was glad they were not in the spa area. However, she had left a can of beer next to the spa and I heard her say loudly, "God, I hope those people don't drink my beer!"

I was kinda mortified and yet for some reason decided to take the beer out to her. She was an interesting looking woman with red hair and orangey-brown eyes that reminded me of my own eyes. She stepped up the short steps leading out of the pool and took my hand and sweetly, but firmly insisted I come into the pool. I was comforted and terrified at the same time.

She asked me my name and I told her (unfortunately). So she kept calling me by name and loudly speaking out to her husband, mine, and then referring back to me in her strange rant-like dialogues. Finally she decided to join my husband in the spa, and I gratefully stayed in the swimming pool talking to her husband, who it turns out was an amazingly intelligent gold-mine engineer.

After a while the woman, I'll call her "H", began yelling out to me how much she loved my husband and referring to me as a "bitch" and saying other harsh things. I think she was joking, but I was just utterly freaked out. My husband seemed just fine though as if he found it funny and her husband just continued to enlighten me and answer my questions on how to extract gold (another amazing spiritual link throughout my trip - the continuous references to gold!).

H was getting so loud I finally decided to go to the spa in hopes she would simmer down. She clung to me when I entered the spa and treated me like someone very close to her, like a sister (freaking me out). She talked non-stop about things in her life as if I knew all about them and we were just reliving them. Finally(!) pool closing time came. H wanted to know what room we were in (oh no) and nearly invited herself to spend the next day with us, but I basically began running, or walking very swiftly away and got out of having to say no or allow her to make plans with me.

That night I had strong dreams and spirit experiences in the night. I woke knowing that my experience with H was spiritual and had helped me face some of my fears and poked at my ego/shell and insecurities. I can't now recall the specifics of the messages I received, but I thanked my spirit guides, felt a weight off my shoulders, and hoped that I was now free from more experiences with H. And I was free for that particular day and evening, but the next night, we went down to the spa and she was back.

This time she insisted so strongly that we come back to her room for drinks. Oh how I did not want to! And yet, I could not be rude and I could not say no. Plus, my husband really liked the couple and had lots in common with H's husband. So I went back to their room.

When we got there H couldn't have been more hospitable and open. She showed us every intimate thing she had with her, the jewellery they had just bought her, clothes, her medications, etc. She easily told me all of her issues with massive panic attacks (and I could see it had led to her drinking a lot to keep calm). Look, she was crazy to some degree, she really was, and yet she was also very real, very amazingly real.

I thought to myself how I have always wanted to have a good long chat with a schizophrenic person or someone really reality-challenged, because I've always thought that they have an open channel to God/spirit that they just can't close and so it is constant high-intensity and really leaves them no choice but to abandon etiquette and silly proper social rules because it takes all of their energy just to exist. Something like that anyway. So I thought, H seems to me like one of these people, one who is so open to spirit she appears crazy. I'm going to go with this (though it is scaring me) because this is happening to me for a reason and it truly is something I have always wanted to experience.

So I opened myself up as much as I could and boy was it hard. I let go of my fears and reservations and allowed her to guide me. She sat outside on the small patio area (as she smoked a lot and it had to be outside). She pulled up a patio chair right in front of hers and plonked me down in it so our knees were touching. She looked me right in the eyes there in the dimly lit dark. There were things about her I really liked. Something very intensely pure and sweet, but coupled with something wild and scary. She grabbed my hands and held them in hers and as she stared into my eyes she began singing a song (loudly at 11 pm). I don't know what the song is and though I tried to search for it based on some of the lyrics I remember, I haven't found it, but I think it is a contemporary country-western song. It was about a girl who looked into an ancient painting of her ancestors and they stared back at her and told her how proud they were of her and how they were her guardian angels.

As she sang I allowed myself to be present as much as I could and look her back in the eye as she sang. Her face seemed to shift in the darkness and I saw some of the faces of "the mother" of my spirit. I knew that they were speaking to me through her in the best way they knew how (and it was hard for them). I started to realize that they were giving me a gift if I could bear to take it as they worked their will through this very open-spirited woman. I wavered a bit between realizing the magic of the moment, and wanting to flee and write it all off as nuts, but mostly I took it and tried to treasure it as the gift it was intended to be.

At the time of the singing, it was really quite shocking the apt words of the song and the way her face seemed to shift into familiar yet unsettling entities I know and that I come from.

After the song she seemed a lot more normal. She talked for a long time about her amazing life as a model when she was younger, then a hardcore biker girl, a spontaneous musician (no lessons, but could sit down and play by ear various instruments including piano), etc. She was extremely intelligent, but uneducated. It was fascinating. But she had lots of anxiety, and as I said, suffered greatly from panic disorder. I spent a few hours listening to her and learning about her. And yet, I still had remnants of fear and feelings of wanting to flee.

(More to come)...