Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.<br /><br />Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.<br /><br />I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.<br /><br />I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.<br /><br />I love defenceless animals, especially in a good gravy.<br /><br />If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?<br /><br />If you ain't makin' waves, you ain't kickin' hard enough!<br /><br />Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.<br /><br />The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.<br /><br />When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.<br /><br />Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.<br /><br />Give a man a free hand and he'll run it all over you.<br /><br />If I worked as much as others, I would do as little as they.<br /><br />If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked<br />something.<br /><br />Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.<br /><br />Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire.<br /><br />Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.<br /><br />Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?<br /><br />Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.<br /><br />Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them.<br /><br />Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humour.<br /><br />Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?<br /><br />Wear short sleeves - Support your right to bare arms!<br /><br />For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.<br /><br />Corduroy pillows: They're making headlines!<br /><br />Black holes are where God divided by zero.<br /><br />All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.<br /><br />I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.