Good evening children! It has been a while since I made a new post, and so I thought - in the theme of the thread - I would bless all my fellow subjects with such a presence!

Obviously, I don't really think like that, but I am what modern society may call a slight Egotist. Now that's out in the open, does anyone believe its wrong, and who believes its right?

I'm from England, and addicted to the 1700-1800's. Through those various eras - or the eighteenth and nineteenth centuries, the English, stoked with the fires of the control of most of the western hemisphere, fluid trade, slavery and a society which practically promoted the egotistical, self-richous view upon the world, were - well - egotists. The were all so fake around other people - usually for their own benefit - and were polite only to those they believed were worthy of their effort.

Now that's out of the way - here's the question. Is a healthy ego a bad thing? And if not, when does a over-healthy ego become a bad thing?

That is such a great question! I had to dig around in my mind for my answer. I hope others will give their opinions because it is such a fascinating question and one I realize I have pondered for a long time.

My core belief is that we should each serve ourselves. No one knows us better than we know ourselves so no one could do a better job at fulfilling our needs and desires. To serve another is to have to "guess" at their desires, which creates extra work and would rarely be 100% accurate. It is totally inefficient.

I like to think of this with the analogy of a tree. If we are each a tree, our ultimate goal is to grow to such health that we bear fruit. Our fruit is a by-product of our ultimate health and achievement - our fruition! It is what we give to others and what can actually feed others. Therefore, it is in our best interest to make sure we get enough water, food and sunlight to come to fruition.

When we give to others from anything other than our fruit, we are giving of our own wood. It is like cutting off a branch. This is detrimental to us and useless to another. If water and sunlight are abundant, then what we need we will take and what we don't need will naturally be available to and assimilated by others. This leads to another imperative: Take only what you need! There is enough for all if we take only what we need.

Now, where egotism crosses the line into being wrong is when we cause damage to others in order to satisfy our needs. If we have to take from someone else and it causes them harm or suffering, then that is wrong. I believe this is why we have had to developed compassion, so that we can learn not to harm others. When we go too far with compassion though, we not only avoid harming, but we begin trying to serve others. This takes us full circle and we stray now from the efficiency of serving self and creating the ultimate product of our own fruit.

Overdeveloped compassion in the end creates another problem because not only do we sacrifice our resources for others, but we now are actually ROBBING the other person of realizing their own needs and fulfilling them. We are taking away natural consequences, which are their right to receive in aid of learning. For example, if you give someone a new car, they can never appreciate it as much as if they earned every dollar it would take to purchase it. I'm sure we all have our own examples of this. Giving to others actually robs them. IMO.

Imagine in the end everyone learning (through many reincarnational lives) how to live according to these ideals of balanced compassion and self-promotion so that we each become a brilliant fruitful tree! If a person's belief system can embrace the immortality of the soul and the concept of many honing lifetimes in which we learn to become masters of life (fruitful trees) then there is no need to fear mistakes or death. It's all a virtual reality lesson for our eternal soul in how to be physical and master it. FMPOV (from my point of view).

In the end it boils down to balance -- Taking only what you need and without harming others, and giving only what you produce.

I love my tree.

I love it. Then again, I always tend to love your replies, Alisa! The world has been so much more silent without you.

Okay, so how about this. Does it rob those of fulfilment of their own goals if they ask for aid, or is that showing that two metaphorical blades of grass can bind together to keep the soil firm and sturdy, and thus leave each and every one of us to enjoy the sun, air and water we all crave?

Another excellent question...making me dig in me brain to find an answer...

I feel that the number one greatest thing you can do to help others is to be successful yourself because this creates an example of how another person might find success and provides a tangible example and assurance/belief that success is indeed possible. And nothing is more powerful than belief.

A parent does best for their child if they find happiness for themselves because the child is a branch of the parent whilst the child is a minor. To serve the child (branch) rather than the parent (tree) is inefficient and ineffective. This is evident when you think of the many cases in which children are given a lot without earning it and become spoilt, entitled and sometimes criminal. From my point of view, the most successful families are where the parents are stable, self-serving and consistent in setting boundaries and examples for their children.

So given this, I still say that the best way for a person to grow is to earn growth themselves and the best way to help another is to set an example of success.

An analogy I like to use when thinking of the scenario of helping others is to think of a person falling into a pit. If you have a friend who falls into a pit and is calling out for help what do you do? You might reach down into the pit to give them a hand but you need to beware of being pulled in yourself. Then you are both in trouble.

You could throw them a line, and this is really "your call". Because it will take you time and some of your resources, but maybe you don't mind sacrificing that much. Some people really benefit from being thrown a line because it was the one time they fell in the pit and they understood it was a mistake and getting help was great and they don't repeat the mistake. However, there are plenty of people who, when given help, will keep falling in the pit assuming that someone will come along and help them out. They don't learn to avoid the pit, nor do they learn how to get themselves out using only their own resources. In this case they are now in greater danger because they might fall in a pit when there is no one available to help them out...and as they wait and wait, feeling sure and entitled that someone will come along, they waste their time not trying to get out and they may eventually die in that pit.

I feel every time you bail someone out of a situation you create the potential for more and more dire circumstance for the person in the future because they do not truly learn from natural consequences and repeat the mistakes at higher and higher costs.

For example, a brother of mine stole a few items from a convenience store when he was a child of about 10 years old. He was caught and the police brought him home, leaving it to my parents to punish him, but he didn't receive any punishment. In fact, we just didn't really "talk about it". This must have given him the idea that stealing was worth it because he continued to steal from our family and others until he was officially caught in his 20's. This time he'd stolen over $100,000 worth of merchandise from a department store warehouse where he worked as a security guard. It brought great shame to his father who was a long time employee of the department store, but out of loyalty to his father, the owners of the department store did not press charges against my brother and merely fired him.

Several years later he was caught stealing again, then again. He continued to break the law in many ways, but was no longer under his father's protection. Now he was spending time in jail and creating a criminal record for himself, but stealing now seemed a deeply ingrained behaviour. At one point he went through rehab (for drugs) and his father once again decided to "reward" him rather than be wary or punish him and invited him back into the family and took him to a campground where he time-shared a permanent trailer home with some other men. My brother ended up stealing from the trailer and ruining his father's reputation again. The list really goes on and on with my parents co-signing on a car with him that he ditched and they had to pay for, stealing medication and valuables from his dying grandfather, etc. Once again, he didn't pay, and once again, we didn't really talk about it.

Recently, he collapsed from an overdose of drugs and had a heart attack and a stroke. He's only 43! His life is in huge ruins now. He has many dependants and no way to earn (or steal!) money any more. Anyway, this is an example of what can happen when someone is saved from experiencing natural consequences, FMPV.

I suppose the only exception to serving another is really infancy in which a child is totally dependent upon the parent, in which case, of course a parent will want to meet the child's needs of food, shelter, etc. Otherwise, I feel the world would be a better more efficient and fruitful place if we all served ourselves.

I watch the reality program "Intervention" often. I have always been interested in psychology and rehabilitation. Like many people, I have felt like helping others, particularly as I work out my own problems. But what I notice is that only a small percentage of people rehabilitate. Many people outright refuse help and want to wallow in their pit. I think they should be allowed to do so until they get sick of it naturally. Even if that means death. It is their choice and their lesson. Of course, I say this with my firm believe in the eternal soul so I don't really believe in death as something final. Only a chance to try again.

But are there times when throwing a line to someone is warranted and will help? Maybe. Again, it is something that you have to feel is right for you. It might even be your own lesson in finding a boundary, but certainly, if you feel like throwing a line out to someone, if it doesn't take away too much from yourself or cause you to sacrifice (never sacrifice, IMO) and you feel it will help another and that they understand the consequences of their action, then in some cases you could be a light in the dark for them.

If I had to err though, I'd err on the side of not interfering.

That's a very good point! And one I most heartedly agree with. I have witnessed this kind of thing happening, too, with a brother of mine as well!

Obviously its nothing as serious, but him being the "baby of the family", or, the youngest immediate sibling, my parents developed a youngest child complex, where in they treated him as the youngest child, when he'd grown out of that ditch a long time ago.

Essentially, he learned that if he annoyed me to the point of retaliation, I'd get blamed because "He doesn't know better", or on the other side of the coin, "I'm older and should know better", and he got off Scott free - and still persists to aggravate me until this day with the same "you should know better" attitude, although my parents say they aren't treating us differently.