On my holiday away this November, I took along one book - Autobiography of a Yogi. I simply couldn't find anything else I felt like reading and I have only read bits at a time when I felt prompted by will so there was still 1/2 a book unread.

On the first week away, I noticed another swami/yogi (that is how I see it anyway), yet again in plastic, formed from a bag I had put in the hotel bedside dresser (the other plastic swami I captured). At the time I did not notice the sync of the book being above the face and I only snapped one photo.





I have enhanced this and added irises, but the sloping pointed nose reminds me of Yogi's




After a few weeks of travelling, we ended up near Encinitas, CA. We took a leisurely drive along the coast when suddenly we came upon a structure, like a gateway with columns topped with a gold lotus. A realization began to grow like pieces of a puzzle whirling around in my mind with a few falling into place! OMGosh! This is his temple, I thought! I don't know how I knew exactly, other than I recalled possibly having seen the word Encinitas in the book, but it was indeed the Self-Realization Fellowship founded by Paramahansa Yogananda!





I was stunned and began to cry. It wasn't the last time I would cry either. Every time I approached the temple grounds or even on the beach below, I would sob. Pastlife? Yogi's energy? (I am reliving the surge of emotion even remembering it now).

We drove past it, but a few days later we went back and were able to enter the meditation gardens. It was so beautiful.




More Garden Photos Posted Here


The grounds are immaculately kept. I took some photos then we sat on one of the stone benches. I thought about Yogi and I wondered if I could have a sign of his presence. Just then a single Monarch butterfly landed on the ground by our feet.







(More to come)

To continue this topic of the Yogi, I must digress for a moment...

When we first arrived in California, we went to Santa Monica Pier where we saw a man with his pet parrots, about 6 of them (a macaw, a cockatoo, etc.). The birds sit on branches he has attached to his bicycle. Unfortunately I didn't get a photo of this. But as I watched, people would approach him to see the birds and he would place a parrot on their shoulder, hand or arm in one fell swoop before the person could protest or even move. The parrots were absolutely and incredibly tame and behaved friendly and calm. I was completely rapt in observing this as I love parrots so much. I used to have cockatoos and other native Australian birds come around to visit me in my backyard where I would give them scraps of food and observe their behaviour and interact with them...but then I got chihuahuas about 3 years ago and they will have none of that! They chased every last bird away from the yard and warned them to never return. So I've really missed being in the presence of magnificent birds.

Anyway, this guy was doing such a service IMO in helping people overcome their initial fear of big birds so they could enjoy the amazing spirit of these bird in such an intimate way. It took me a long time to be able to feed the native cockies from my hand to their beak, so I can truly relate to this fear. Those beaks are so powerful and it really is scary to contemplate how quickly and easily they could snip off a finger.

I went over for a turn at observing the parrots. After three years I was nervous at the thought of a big beaked bird on my arm, but before I could decide, the owner flung a bird onto me. The bird got right up next to my face and began making kissing noises as it tried to get close to my lips. I caught that familiar scent of fermented seeds on its breath. I saw up-close the depth of intelligence and fierce, feral power in its eye. But this man had these parrots so well trained and so contained within his will that no matter the fear I exuded (and I did a bit), the bird did not react.

After handing back the bird and marvelling at it all, he next (without asking) grabbed my arms, shaped them into a cradle, and plonked a big bird (I think it was the macaw) on its back into my arms like a baby. It lay there completely submissively. This guy is beyond words in my esteem. It was a magical, heavenly experience for me that was one of the best moments I've ever had.

Anyway, as I reluctantly walked away (though I had to as it was so intense and others were waiting for a turn), I prayed that I could have another experience with parrots. I noted how rare an opportunity it was and wondered would I have another bird encounter soon, since I did really want it and had actually prayed for it, though it seems so unlikely.

I basically forgot about my prayer. But I spent most of my time away contemplating spirit, reading about manifesting reality, and trying to open my mind. Weeks later when I was staying at a resort near San Diego, I was given a piece of paper that listed local main attractions and some of the more obscure ones. One of these smaller attractions was a bird rescue/sanctuary. We went to it. There were tons of parrots just hanging out. I was given some food to feed them and was free to walk around and interact with them. They seemed much less tame, but just as magical. I realized my prayer was answered and being around the birds gave me such energy and really boosted my feelings of love and wonder - not to mention strengthening my belief in prayer.

Gee, I did digress...

At the end of the day, as I sat upon the big white luxurious bed at the resort, watching TV, I saw a blue light in the corner of the room. It was on my left and seemed connected to my left eye. The light formed a figure 8, but was more 3-D and on its side like the infinity symbol. It spun for a few seconds before it vanished or faded. I thought, What the heck was that?! I knew I was in for a big night of spirit, and I felt it was in connection with the parrots and how they made me feel.

At bed time later, when I walked up to the bed, I saw spirit faces in the folds of the linen. The faces were all alike, some small and some large. It was a human face with an aquiline nose reminding me of a parrots beak (I realized the next day that this nose was very similar to Yogi's, and while I feel it was Yogi, I cannot say for sure). As I lay in bed lights and shadows moved swiftly about the room, but I was tired, wanted to sleep, so I drifted off.

I was awakened shortly after by the shaking of the bed. It was rather insistent and quite strong, but I instantly knew it was happening on another level (and not an earthquake - I don't think). I felt I was to wake up and pay attention. It was a little bit confronting and scary, as it often is, but my logic advised me it was spirit and to be cool.

I lay there drifting in an alpha state when I saw the entity that was trying to get my attention. It looked like the faces I'd seen in the bed folds. I saw several entities and realized they were hidden in between the levels of this world and whatever else there is. I knew they were immortals. The one said, "Don't you recognize me?" But I didn't at that point.

Every time I started to fall to far asleep, I'd be awakened. This went on for hours and hours until about 4 am. At one point I heard "kill yourself" which shocked me fully awake, but then I realized it meant to kill the "self"/ego and not literally the body. In fact, as I realized this, the entity told me that to literally kill myself would be ironic and merely participating in the illusion of life and of course that was not what had been meant. The entity/immortals told me throughout the night to consume the "light" offering me an astral nugget of gold light upon a flame to eat. But I don't recall the act of consuming it so I still wonder if I did. As I came to full consciousness I heard myself asking how long it would last (the nugget/light). I think I meant how much energy would it give me or for how long.

Unfortunately, this is all just one more piece in the puzzle of what the heck am I doing here and what am I supposed to be doing!!?! In one instance I feel I know and understand more, and in another, I feel more confused and unsure. Writing this out does help some and I realize more now that I've organized my thoughts into writing. He/They also advocated not eating meat, calling it "blood money" (not the first time a spirit has counselled me on this, though I still eat meat). And I think the suggestion was to not eat food at all. Breatharianism it is!

Birds and butterflies both fly. To me, when closly encountered, They're both givers of a simple joy like a secret special gift.
Truly, you recieved a special gift especially with the birds. That sounds so awesome.

I like the yogi in the drawer, it's really cool looking. I'm glad you were able to get a photo of it. The features are so clear to me. Cool!

Now about the 'kill yourself'. I thank the good Lord above for blessing you with such an intelligent spiritual heart that you can cipher the bigger meanings behind the initial phrase, Because, without a shadow of a doubt, I believe that physical suicide WAS NOT what the message meant.
I think it does mean that you need to let go of past 'proverbial boxes' and move forward in your spiritual life.

Have you ever considered becoming a guru(?) or whatever a spiritual female leader is called?
Have you ever discussed your beliefs with a spiritual leader?
I think that one day, you could have quite a following... you'd need to give seminars and stuff. You could do shows online using youtube or podcast.

Okay, I'll stop... I could say so much more...
I just think it would be cool, for me to be able to say, "I knew you when..."

Thank you very much for that wonderful feedback and validation, Dawn! You always magically pop into my online life validating me with words of wisdom and encouragement at key junctures.

I appreciate your understanding of the "kill your self" message and that it is about letting go of the past "boxes" that confine me. I think spirit uses strange words sometimes that have to be deciphered with care. I have before received verbatim from spirit that I am "the Son of David", which I looked up and saw is another name for Christ. So many people have received this type of message, and I believe it is because it is true, that Christ is within us all, just as we are all pure light and hologram wholes of god. What is tricky is how to accept this knowledge in a balanced way. Famous examples that come to mind of those taking this message singularly are Jim Jones and David Koresh.

Why isn't spirit more clear with its words? Is it a test or exercise? Another example here is also the spirit calling meat-eating "blood money". I recall as I became fully conscious that the message "blood money" was being interpreted across several levels as I brought it through from a more subconscious level where the words and meaning were ever so perfect, but seemed less and less perfect as they surfaced. I knew exactly what was meant by "blood money" the moment I was fully conscious, but the crystal clarity of it began to degrade immediately. The gist was still there, though. It's probably like any spiritual message -- it warps as it passes from God-consciousness through the various levels between, that act like lenses refracting the light within the message, so that it is diffuse and bent by the time reaches this density.

As for becoming a spiritual leader or taking a larger role in sharing my experience, what an amazing thing to suggest (it really touched me and started an avalanche of thoughts, feelings and prayer - thank you ). My immediate concern in contemplating this was that my ego could become inflated! But then I realized the truth, that the bigger problem was really that my ego would have to deflate to allow myself to overcome my fear in speaking openly more often, in person, showing my face, making mistakes, exposing my flaws and my imperfections. How ironic that my ego actually needs reducing first. Anyway, I appreciate that you give me such credit, Dawn. It helps me. You planted a seed (I'll see if it can grow).

I have a bit more to share that relates to the Yogi...next post.

The day after visiting the parrots, we decided to look at some tide pools that were also listed on the minor sites to see. Swami Beach was listed as a good site for tide pools. Though it was called "Swami", I did not think that it had anything to do with the Fellowship, too coincidental (ha ha) but after using the GPS to find our way it led us right next door to the Fellowship! I found out that it was named Swami after Yogananda because the Fellowship overlooks this section of beach.





Setting foot on the beach I was again overwhelmed with emotion. I felt the same sense of peaceful energy as I felt in the gardens. I was very uplifted and had a great time walking along the beach peering into all the tide pools. My favourite activities have to do with animals whether it is interacting with the birds, or looking for little starfish, anemone or crabs, etc.





The most amazing thing, though, was the gold! There were flakes of gold liberally scattered along the beach and in the water. I don't know what mineral it truly is, but it looked just like yellow gold and it shone and sparkled like magic!

I tried to capture it photographically. It's not the best image, but hopefully conveys the idea...



Original


Close Up


Gold flakes on the beach


The spiritual symbolism was not lost on me. In conversations with spirit I received the analogy of refining the spirit into gold. And herein is another sync...

While away I visited many book shops, browsing every metaphysical and spiritual section looking for a book that I felt compelled to read. After many failed attempts I prayed and asked that I be led to a book, if there is one that would be of benefit to me, and that aligns with God's will. The next attempt of searching led me to the book entitled, Saint Germain on Alchemy.





Yet another tangent topic. But what a wonderful book that I'm only 1/2 way through. I have a tendency to partially read books with gaps of months between chapters as I chop and change.

More pics of Swami's Beach...

I don't think an 'inflated ego' would be a problem, I do think you may have a lack of confidence in sharing your inspirational beliefs on a large scale venue and it may be because of the skeptics and negativity around every corner... (they're one of my biggest stumbling blocks and brick walls that I can't get passed.)

Know this, if you ever decide to share your beliefs and inspirations on youtube or podcast, I'll be the first in line to listen. I think you got a lot of good things to say!

Thank you very much for your kind interest in my ideas. You nurture me.

I agree with your analysis - I have a lack of confidence, aka fear. I find skeptics very dampening and annoying, though I feel safe here saying what I believe surrounded by open-minded and considerate people. My fear is that I will alienate some people if I divulge some of my more extreme experiences and beliefs. And that would make me feel rejected and judged, and that is my biggest fear - those two things (judged and rejected). I have had periods of intense anxiety over times where I am being tested or judged. Like the time I went for my Aussie drivers license when I was 30 years old and had been driving for almost half my life. I had this unrealistic, but all-consuming fear that I would fail and be rejected. I nearly fainted from the anxiety. And I actually did fail (which seems inevitable when one fears it so much)! I had to re-face that fear though and try again, and it all worked out (after some driving lessons ), but I digress...

It's all about exposing myself and what will people think. So I suppose it really is kith and kin to fear of skeptism.

Interestingly, I think my dream last night reflects this fear of mine that syncs with our postings here...

I dreamed that I was going outside to swim with my family (all males) and I decided to do it naked. I felt very calm and spiritual about it. We went outside which was dark similar to an extremely overcast day. But I felt very happy. We walked toward the pool. There was a group of women about my age (40s) who lived in the house behind out on their patio which overlooked our yard. The women started calling out to me angrily how dare I go outside like that! I immediately began to identify with the shame, but I didn't take it on board. I walked to the fence wanting very much to discuss it with them and explain myself to them, but they all got up from the table they sat at, scowls on their faces, a few more mutters of disgust, and went inside, wanting no part of it.

Strangely enough, I resumed my calm feeling and finished my walk to the pool and got in. I looked down at my skin and saw that I had an all over light tan. Then from my elbow down was even tanner. And from my forearm to my wrist was so tan it was almost black. I was very pleased with this.

As my waking consciousness slowly rose from sleep, I began contemplating the dream. I knew I loved the tan because it meant I had been in the sun, and that was good (because the sun was like truth or God). I had an all-over tan to a slight degree, but was very dark on only the part of my arm I usually show. I was happy to be tan at all, but saw that I could be much tanner all-over by exposing more of myself to the sun "light".

I think perhaps the women are "the skeptics" and I must continue on with my spiritual experience even if they don't approve or won't understand. Trying to talk to them may seem like a good idea, but they aren't listening. So I must just go on and have a nude swim and enjoy.

Now see there, your dream and interpretation of it, is just what I mean. You have a gift of seeing into the symbols around us and that are presented to us in our spirits.

I totally agree that your varying tan shades symbolizes the different parts of you that you comfortably present on each level and the longing to be free to share and express more of your self with the world.

Someday, I figure you'll be a speaker and author giving seminars and selling books. You'll be inspiring folks on levels of life that they need to be supported or guided or affirmed or validated and/or comforted in.

You go girl guru!

Such encouragement and nurturing you give me!

It truly helps! Thank you!