The start of the school year is creeping up on us but it is still summer. If you can, find some time to relax in the sun, perhaps by a pool or ocean, enjoy a tropical drink, and enjoy the following guest post. It’s by Nick Laskowski (University of Maryland), who provides us with a seasonal example of the time-honored tradition of philosophers overthinking song lyrics. Yes I Like Piña Coladas: On Haecceities and the Normativity of Love by Nick Laskowski When I received Justin’s invitation to write a guest post, the consequentialist’s compelling idea that it would be permissible, as well as the perhaps less compelling idea that it would be obligatory, to use the opportunity to promote the best outcome for the profession became vivid. Perhaps I would make an argument for why senior philosophers should almost always submit non-anonymous referee reports to avoid submitting lazy or nasty reports. Or perhaps share first-hand evidence that the perceived persecution some philosophers keep droning on and on about isn’t unique to conservative positions on gender: ordinary territoriality and vanity—maybe even my own!—cost my co-author and me eight years in publishing our recent paper defending the view that your gender is the one you intrinsically desire to belong to. Bias against gender conservatism isn’t even the right kind of thing to explain our ur-woke idea’s slow route to print. Instead, I’ve decided to prioritize fittingness and write on something more appropriate for the summer: piña coladas, or rather, Rupert Holmes’ 1979 pop song “Escape (The Piña Colada Song)“. It’s a feel-good song with lyrics about a couple who appear to fall out and then back into love with one another. It’s written in the first person, so it is Holmes himself who expresses boredom about his own relationship with his long-time romantic partner with the lines “I was tired of my lady” and “We’d been together too long”. Accordingly, he checks out the “personal columns” of the newspaper (i.e. 20th century Tinder) in the hope of finding a new romantic partner, where he finds the following ad: If you like piña coladas And gettin’ caught in the rain If you’re not into yoga If you have half a brain If you..

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