This post wasn't meant as a reply to OMJ's last post above. I accidently hit the reply button & didn't notice until after it was posted, sorry OMJ.

Ahhh, today I had a very sensitive conversation w/a now 'former' friend over religion & sin. I try very hard not to do this w/some of my friends, as our spiritual ideas seem to clash more times than not. But in this case I had a friend that felt justified in taking my spiritual inventory & tried to explain 'sin' to me & the ones that I was accountable for. Um hello, I grew up Catholic...I think I know a little bit about sin! "Guilty!" he kept saying, every time I answered a question that led him to believe I was a sinner.

Sheesh, in an hour & a half I was schooled on religion, persecuted for being a sinner & guilted for not admitting it to him & God. I didn't even see a collection plate, he did this for free! Lucky me, all of that Bible beating & I didn't even have to stand, kneel or genuflect. I do kind of feel that I was jipped right outta my sip of wine & cracker though, but that's OK, immediately after hanging up w/him I had a full glass of Lambrusco & Handi-Snacks cheese & crackers! Sinner my butt, who gets reamed like that & STILL accepts Communion as selflessly as I?

Anyway, after my bottle, <ahem>, I mean glass of wine, I started to think about the things he depicted as being my sins. Here's the list...

Cheated on boyfriends past: Yep guilty. A horrible thing I did in couple of relationships. I was young, 19 & 23. I did this to two guys, one I was engaged to & the other I wasn't serious about.

*What did I learn? Well, being a cheater will definitely teach you why you shouldn't be a cheater. I learned that it was probably one of the most destructive things I've ever done to myself or anyone else. It doesn't make you feel superior to your mate, it doesn't make you feel good about yourself. It means looking over your shoulder, never feeling at ease & always knowing that if you choose to end it w/one of them, someone is going to get hurt & YOU will be the cause of that pain in someone that you care deeply about. It diminishes your self-worth, confidence & spiritual base. It makes you lie continuously, it makes you fear perpetually & love suspiciously. This is what I've learned from BEING a cheater. That lesson is more valuable to me than it's weight in gold. Because of that lesson, I am who I am today.

When asked if I would do it the same if I had the chance to do it over, my answer was "ABSOLUTELY!", This infuriated my friend (we'll call him Dick, so to keep with anonymity here) immensely. He feels that I should want to do things differently if given the chance... what kind of bologna is that? If I had done anything differently, then TODAY I would be a lying, conniving, cheating; miserably married mother of two. One plane ticket away from the latest Jerry Springer show. No thanks. I wouldn't have it any other way than the way it already played out. That lesson taught me so much. I won't be as naive as to say that cheating on someone hurt just as much as being cheated on. What I will say is this - what being 'cheated on' did to my heart, 'being the cheater' did to my conscience. My conscience as the 'cheater' was shredded to the same degree as my heart was from being 'cheated on'. Not to mention, I was already a suspicious person from having been cheated on, but OMG did I become suspicious when I was the cheater. You start to think "Well, if it's so easy for me to cheat...HE MUST BE DOING IT TOO!" Oh, what a tangled web we weave...

So do it all again differently? Nope. Differently could mean that I would be a different person today. It would also mean that the people (guys) in those situations wouldn't have gotten to learn their lessons either. I'm sure I taught each of the two to value their own self-worth, never put yourself BEHIND the love you have for someone else - love yourself first. And last but not least, I think the most valuable lesson I was able to teach them through this was, ALWAYS TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS. I wouldn't change my lesson or either of theirs for anything in the world & I sure as hell am not going to call it a sin. Maybe a Less-sin.

Dick's second example was stealing: When I was 13 I stole a bottle of hairspray from a local grocer. Mom & pops type place. I was caught, police were called, mom was called. Police let me off w/a stern warning, store didn't press charges, but the thing I couldn't get over was letting my mom down & the disappointment in her eyes when she came to the store to take me home. For about a whole year afterwords, when ever I thought of the look in my mom's eyes that day in the store, it would send me into a long hard private cry.

*What did I learn from this? That people see you by how you present yourself. Meaning my standing at that store was no longer as a "valued customer". Even though my mom shopped there a good couple of times a week. I was always watched by staff when ever I went into that store. But on the same token, they also saw my mom for what SHE was, a hard working single mother who was raising 3 kids on her own & doing a pretty damn good job. Sure, she had a daughter who tried to steal from them, but that didn't affect how they saw HER. They knew by how well all 3 of us were behaved (normally), that we were good kids & mature beyond our years (as kids go). PEOPLE SEE YOU BY HOW YOU PRESENT YOURSELF.

What lesson did the store learn? Their investment in in-store surveillance certainly wasn't a bad idea - keep up the good work!

Needless to say, I haven't stolen a thing since. Not even a stick of gum. Lesson learned. Would I change it if I could? Negative. Who would I be today if I did? Well I'd probably be sitting at this computer right now trying to convince you to give me your credit card number for a donation for my fictitious relative who needs fake surgery. Again, no thanks. I'll keep my lesson, you can have the sin...Dick.

OK so considering the length of this post already, I'll stop w/Dick's complaints. Now I'll explain why I feel that those aren't sins & why I feel no guilt.

In the cheating scenarios, I admitted & apologized to both people. I was forgiven by both. I forgave myself. Done deal.

Why is this so hard for people to accept? I agreed to come here & learn all I could about negative energy & the way it affects my soul, my karma & the human that am becoming. This helps me recognize & appreciate the positive energy that is so familiar to us on 'the other side', as well as teach me to pull that pos energy towards myself despite the challenges & obstacles I endure here on earth.

In the case of the attempted theft, I apologized to the owner of the store by hand written letter & in person. I was forgiven & after watching me for a few months I was again a valued & trusted customer. I forgave myself. Ba-dum-bum.

Again, same reasons I gave above. Came here to learn. And learning I intend to do. I have no choice, I missed the last shuttle bus to the other side & I'm all outta frequent flyer miles, might as well learn something while I'm her eh?

Dick claims that I could have learned those very same lessons by living by the words of the Bible & the life experience & mistakes of others. I disagree...vehemently. Does reading through your entire computer user's manual mean that you will now know everything you're supposed to know to operate your PC? No. If you read the instructions to a video game, would that mean that you would sail through each level flawlessly & remember where all the traps & surprises are. Would I be a perfect player relying only on the instruction manual & the experience of others? No. So why should I go by the manual here, & trust that the same lessons will be learned? I hate to sound juvenile here but "Don't touch the stove, it's hot" means nothing to a toddler until, he/she actually TOUCHES THE STOVE while it's hot. I can almost guarantee you that despite mom & dad's constant warnings, every toddler has touched a hot stove...ONCE.

What Dick doesn't seem to understand is that we as humans learn from personal experience. That's why we're human, it's why we came, free will. I couldn't imagine coming here to follow the proverbial 'rules' & never straying from them. What would be the point? For my soul to evolve, I need these human experiences. I need to experience duality to learn of both pos & neg energy. This is not a realm of singularity, earth. The entire place smacks of duality...light/dark, good/bad, hot/cold, soft/hard, full/starving, rich/poor, kind/mean, heavy/light. If both exist here, than both I will experience, it's as simple as that. I didn't go to high school just to sit in the parking lot. Furthermore, I have a feeling that if I don't learn what I'm supposed to during this life/class, I'll be held back & forced to live another life to learn the lessons I missed during this one if I want my soul to evolve. I never repeated a grade in high school & I'm not repeating one here either! I will advance & evolve & soon I will graduate & move on to a new school in another dimension. Each "sin" I commit is like a D- on a mid-term test. I can only see the areas where I need improvement, if I have the guts to take the test & get it wrong.

So would I change any of my sins (read mistakes)? Not a single one of them.

As for Dick, I don't even mind his views on religion/morality. What I do mind is having it shoved down my throat, all the while telling me that in 2012 there will be a reckoning & I won't be invited to the after-party. He also told me he knows that God is upset w/me for being too arrogant to ask for his forgiveness. I told him that I just had a conversation w/God the night before & he didn't mention it to me, but he did say something about being annoyed with people who impersonate judges.

I could tell by that point that I was about to lose a friend. No sooner did this fly out of his mouth, "Well I have a pretty good rapport with God, I'm going to ask God to forgive you myself". My reply "Well that's great, while the two of you are chatting could you ask him what those winning lottery numbers are?"...that's when he hung up. Well either he hung up or it was divine intervention from my good ol' pal God. Good lookin out Pops, I owe ya one!

I'm now a friend short, but Webster's isn't willing to re-define the phrase 'unconditional love' to include Dick's brand of commitment. Pity. I don't like to lose friends over personal beliefs, but I refuse to lose personal beliefs over friends.

And so it goes...another one bites the dust.