Hi,

What about the health of children when returned back to you?

My child was very aggressive. Even all the photos that i took during that time returned show a very aggressive child. The look on his face is so different. I showed this to my friend (another psychiatric nurse) who knows us well and she was gob smacked. It wasn't just a few photos from 1 days it was a bunch of photos that I took over a month or two.
My child acted out. He was a bit crazy. Very clingy too. I took long service leave when he came home to help him settle down.
And then I had to do some almost shared care thing with the father down in NSW. Docs (CSO X) told me that whilst they (docs) were involved they wanted us to do 50/50 share care, but the father didn't want this in the end - he wanted 4 days one fortnight and 3 days the next fortnight. See the father never wanted the child to interfere with his life style, the care arrangements had to suit him and not impinge on his lifestyle, but didn't actually say this. remember the father is almost unemployed and pays $0.00 maintenance.
So of course this was very unsettling to the child. It further disturbed the child. But the father couldn't see this. The child was putting on tantrums before he left and would lock himself in the car and not want the father near him etc. It was disturbing to see.
Then there was sexual acting out too. I told the new docs worker but nothing was done about it. funny that because it was when the child was coming back from the father's care that he acted out. About 4 occassions.

Anyway now child at school father hardly sees the child. And even had the audacity to send me some letter in the mail about me sending child off to a private christian school, but no mention that he intends to pay for any of the child's schooling. And father still tells me how to parent the child and gives me articles on such. I have to provide all the clothes for when the child is with the father and even provide the food when the father visits for a day in this state. Last time the child was sent to the father's care for one week during the school holidays the child lost 1.1kilos! Oops getting off the track. But my issues have never changed, they still remain about these other useless parents.

But my child is now quite settled.There is no acting out aggressively or sexually. The chid is happy and I note he is often singing to himself. He does as I ask him. And is back to being one of those good kids. Not ratty like he was 18 months ago. I think that the father is not making child go between 2 homes some 200 km apart helps a lot too.

My child has not had an asthma attack for the part 8 months. Absolutely well in every way in fact since March this year.
Indcidentally the father used to accuse me of having munch hausen bi proxy (? spelling) when the child was small. He showed me and article on it. He still believed I suffered from this when the child was in docs care - I have him on tape going on about me abusing the child 'all the time - what were those mosquito bites on child..'


When the child was first returned to me I thought I won't bother trying as hard as I did before. If docs think i am that bad a parent and that much danger to my child then why bother trying to be the perfect parent that I used to aim to be.
That is what effect docs have on parents.

Today a docs worker was going on to me over the phone about men who are grossly narcissistic and anti-social in personality etc. She was on about mothers rescuing boys so they grow up like this ( the literature states this is one cause that can feed into this type of personality) and can't take responsibility for themselves. This is describing the father of my child. I worked out very early before ever meeting the woman that the mother (paternal grandmother) must be a rescuer. And she is.

so where am I going with this? I don't know. It all started about the health of children when returned to your care. I have then gone on to bag the father in this posting. I am still amazed that docs fed into his ego and gave child to him and totally chose to ignore the glaring traits of this awful man. The paternal grandfather said of his own son 'he is the type who should have nothing to do with women or children'. Someone said to me just what were the grandparents gaining by saying all this to me about the father. The grandmother said he is 'irresponsible and immature' 'difficult to deal with' amongst other things.
docs never suggested I see a counsellor (D.V) to deal with father's manner in which he dealt with me. I suppose if they did they could have to not send child off to father's care.
whilst the docs saga was going on these people would not say that I was a 'good mother' as they were telling me prior to this. The father now is writing to me about schools and saying 'you are doing a wonderful job' - this gives me the shits as I am not doing anything different. He just gets to pay NO maintenance and is the biggest scab I have ever met.

Docs gave out my address to this man (chld's father) who I was very scared of. I had moved and was silently listed.
Another thank you to docs for your professional work there.

I thought docs seemed to take over the abusiveness from where the father left off. CSO X was very punitive and belittling to me. The father liked the fact that I was being crucified by them, it did feed into his ego. He won't ever let me forget and now has ammunition to use against me.
It was the father who first diagnosed me with a mental health problem, when he was chasing me to gain access to his child there was a question that said on some form he completed - 'is there any reason why one parent would not be able to parent effectively?' He wrote 'mother has bi-polar disorder'. I later questioned him about this he answered casually - 'oh you told me'.
What?
Anyway I met up with him for 5 dates. I smelt danger and ran for miles. It later turned out that he had (stalked me) followed me up to a remote site as he saw I was driving alone up to the look out. (When I told his mother she said ' 'he was just looking for a wife' - classic example of a mother who covers up for her son, freaky answer if you ask me) He became very abusive when I told him I was not interested in him anymore. this is how the story starts. I have never liked the father of my child and put up with him for the sake of my child. dcos didn't investigate all this they just took out the bits they could use against me. Yes, David Smith docs investigate only in a twisted way. I seriusly had to consider termination - I had a termination date booked and also had a specialist appointment booked so I could swing either way and gave me time to consider all options close to the end of the first trimester. I also rang and enquired about adoption in the third trimester when the father was still being very weird and abusive toward me. The father would not let me adopt the child (laws say that if you know who the father is then you must consider his wishes) but has never wanted to pay maintenance or have the child in his care. I asked him on several occassion when he was abusing me whilst the child was a baby/toddler and even resently again if he wanted full custody. He keeps saying no.
But interestingly when docs came into the picture he took me to family law court for full custody off me. But he is NOT WILLING and is NOT ABLE to look after this child. I now that so does my family and his parents and his family. His family hushed up when docs were involved, sided with him, started to treat me like I was the enemy. I couldn't see why they couldn't have just spoken up to them. But they were rescuing their son (the paternal father). Then whilst the child was in father's care child had an asthma attack (my girlfriend said 'good, he accuses you of inflicting these things onto child and you are not there now and child is sick' and 'he can see what it is like to care for a sick child') father had to have child taken to hospital in an ambulance and was later asking indirectly if I could pay for it. I thought no way would I ever offer to help to pay for this, the father is fighting against me and child being together so this is his problem.
I was disappointed that during the time the father had care of child he did not buy child any toys or clothes or send child to swimming lessons as he was and is still badgering me about. It was father chance to shine and he turned out to be quite a sad parent. docs don't see any of this.
I watch the father in action and because father is so needy I think it is all about meeting his needs and not the child's needs. The father thinks he is a expert on parenting issues and has an opinion about parenting but cannot deliver what he talks about. It is sad. docs should have sent him for parenting skills instead of glorifying this father.

Anyway the child will grow up and be able to read all the legal papers, my documentation, the letters and listen to the tapes. He will know the truth about docs and his family.

p.s. docs were writing in their legal paperwork, mother booked a termination and thinking about adopting child out. But they never wanted to know in what context all this was in. they didn't want to acknowledge that the father was abusive and was unemployed but miraculously got 2 jobs whilst they were involved in our lives. 2 jobs at 2 different primary schools. (have you ever looked up/ googled paedophiles? It goes on about these men centring themselves in jobs that are surrounded by children. So when I read the father writings in court that he had 2 jobs in 2 schools a chill ran up my spine.

I don't trust this father in any way. I never have and never will.

I personally thought by taking this children off the mother and giving the children to these abusive men was putting these children at a greater risk as these men are insightless into their own pathology and can't take responsibility for their own actions. And if a man can be abusive without remorse to a woman , then surely he will be abusive towards children without remorse and lie (not flinching either whilst they lie) and be deluded (to almost grandiose levels) about being a good parent.

I am glad my father was not a man of this calibre.

And apparently the father told docs that he was 'worried about me coming off my psych. medication'. ha ha ha I wasn't on any but too scared to tell docs as they would just about have strung me up. Now the father agrees that it was strange that I could work as a registered mental health nurse whilst all this was going on so how could i be as mad as docs were trying to make me out to be.
Hmm, switching now to the winning side, I think.
His mother has even written me letters disputing what CSO X said now that it is finished, but she wouldn't whilst it was all going on.
My mother calls her sly and i think my mother is right about this. I dislike this paternal grandmother too.

Don't get me wrong I am polite to their faces. I do not say anything to my son and don't intend to but when he is an adult or when his kids want to know some family stories it will all be there written down.

When I was collecting the child off the paternal grandparents for my over night stays that the judge ordered. These people were getting me to sign a book 'received in good condition' and geting me to sign it and they were too. What bullshit, I conveniently lost the book and have that as part of this story too. Of course the father was never there.

I am not angry. I think people show their true colours and these are not my sort of people that I would welcome into my home or life generally.

Better go I am really rambling. but I wanted to explain how 'family' can play into the whole docsthing as well and they will never say sorry either and like docs think they were doing the right thing by the child.

good night.