Thank you very much for your kind interest in my ideas. You nurture me.

I agree with your analysis - I have a lack of confidence, aka fear. I find skeptics very dampening and annoying, though I feel safe here saying what I believe surrounded by open-minded and considerate people. My fear is that I will alienate some people if I divulge some of my more extreme experiences and beliefs. And that would make me feel rejected and judged, and that is my biggest fear - those two things (judged and rejected). I have had periods of intense anxiety over times where I am being tested or judged. Like the time I went for my Aussie drivers license when I was 30 years old and had been driving for almost half my life. I had this unrealistic, but all-consuming fear that I would fail and be rejected. I nearly fainted from the anxiety. And I actually did fail (which seems inevitable when one fears it so much)! I had to re-face that fear though and try again, and it all worked out (after some driving lessons ), but I digress...

It's all about exposing myself and what will people think. So I suppose it really is kith and kin to fear of skeptism.

Interestingly, I think my dream last night reflects this fear of mine that syncs with our postings here...

I dreamed that I was going outside to swim with my family (all males) and I decided to do it naked. I felt very calm and spiritual about it. We went outside which was dark similar to an extremely overcast day. But I felt very happy. We walked toward the pool. There was a group of women about my age (40s) who lived in the house behind out on their patio which overlooked our yard. The women started calling out to me angrily how dare I go outside like that! I immediately began to identify with the shame, but I didn't take it on board. I walked to the fence wanting very much to discuss it with them and explain myself to them, but they all got up from the table they sat at, scowls on their faces, a few more mutters of disgust, and went inside, wanting no part of it.

Strangely enough, I resumed my calm feeling and finished my walk to the pool and got in. I looked down at my skin and saw that I had an all over light tan. Then from my elbow down was even tanner. And from my forearm to my wrist was so tan it was almost black. I was very pleased with this.

As my waking consciousness slowly rose from sleep, I began contemplating the dream. I knew I loved the tan because it meant I had been in the sun, and that was good (because the sun was like truth or God). I had an all-over tan to a slight degree, but was very dark on only the part of my arm I usually show. I was happy to be tan at all, but saw that I could be much tanner all-over by exposing more of myself to the sun "light".

I think perhaps the women are "the skeptics" and I must continue on with my spiritual experience even if they don't approve or won't understand. Trying to talk to them may seem like a good idea, but they aren't listening. So I must just go on and have a nude swim and enjoy.