Hi,

Another day and I am up early. I am dreading today due to work stuff.
Anyway I can start the count down. In another 10 hours I don't have to go back if I don't want to.
change is in the air for me in 2009.

You can't make yourself a martyr, it's not worth the grief. At the end of the day YOU come first before anything else, before your job, your kids, your partner, YOU. and if you are troubled and not travelling well then YOU ain't much good to anyone. So listen to your inner self and nurture yourself. YOU are not a door mat. YOU deserve better.

change is difficult. Sometimes we feel like a failure because we are not completely happy in our situation. but it is ok to give yourself a licence to change, turn around. I always think it is more of a crime if you don't try.

And with everything comes new challenges and new sets of rules. So how do you know when you are just being plain avoidant or if you need to take control and change your life? Good question, but don't make rash decisions, look at all options, wear it all for a few days, see how it sits with your gut feelings.

I am talking to myself in this post. But I am on the cusp of change. I am wondering if I should go head long into quitting my job and go into another area. I am weighing up the pros and cons. I feel very loyal to my clients, I like my current kind of job but I want a job where I can have a lunch break, not so busy all the time, not feel like my boss, who has long finished sucking my blood out of me, is now crunching my bones. But then I work with awesome people and the hours (except lack of lunch break) kink of fit my life style and the clients of course.
BUT I ask myself 'how long can you keep this up?'.
And if I change what problems am I going to encounter.
My biggest fear of change is worrying about finances. Bottom line. The mortgage. Security.
So I think the answer is to leave on a good note. Stop being the office stirrer so maybe I can crawl my way back there if my change plans don't work.
So it comes down to mortgage versus job.
The single mother's pension look appealing to me. I was making a joke in at work yesterday about becoming a prostitute. Someone said haven't you heard of paper bags. ha ha ha.
I ain't going to win lotto, so that is out.

Damn, why did docs have to screw us so that we are 20,000 behind in the mortgage.
This is just one part of the after math of their dealings in our lives.

Is it really beneficial to make this docs thing so legal orientated and punitive rather than assisting families and being client and family focussed/ goal orientated?
What did the lies and legal bulls.... achieve for anyone?
Maybe I miss something here, please help me to see the error of my ways.

Bottom line is don't ring docs for a whinge they will take you to the cleaners.

How dumb am I?